Winning My Worth
What if you were to lead with more worth? This coaching question inspired me to pivot from corporate, go back to school and evolve. This is my story on becoming a coachologist — my made up word for using science, coaching and technology to help people grow with less stress, more worth, shared wisdom and love.
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Imagine having a bad day.
You reach out from under the covers and hit snooze a few times. Oversleep. Didn’t have coffee. Got stuck in traffic. Get to work and brace yourself to conquer that insurmountable list of things to do — feeling under pressure, overwhelmed, and stressed out. Then you receive an email to say that you didn't get the client or promotion you thought was coming your way. What would you tell yourself?
Maybe you think that you're not good enough, or that you're trying to live up to an ideal of what a leader can and should accomplish. Or, maybe you feel that if you drop even one of the balls that you're juggling, you'll no longer be respected or worthy of success.
If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. Few things have a greater influence over what we do, and how we show up, than the stories we tell. Despite good intentions, even the most educated, talented and successful leaders can tell stories that breed bias, disengagement, halt learning, impede change, fuel stress, lower performance, and limit potential in working life. I’m not. I should. I can't. Others won't. What if fail? What if I succeed? Well, what if your stories were to win with more worth?
Corporate Sense
Before I became an executive coach, I had a corporate life. I worked in the Fortune 100 front lines from start-up to billion-dollar global growth, buyout and exit. I built high performing teams in 20 countries and partnered with key decision makers in finance, marketing, sales, legal, media, creative, human resources, tech, product management, R&D, and supply chain to lead marketing communications and public affairs for companies including Netflix and The Coca-Cola Company.
In my corporate life, I had the opportunity to work with some of the most talented, creative, technical and ingeniously brilliant people. Some of the leaders I worked with inspired people to reach up for the moon, and others who hovered in yesterday’s status quo. I learned a great deal in working and watching them about the will and ways of working life.
Some leaders were women, like me, who were trying to make it in a mostly male industry. They felt powerless. Afraid to show weakness by asking for help. Some leaders kept to the middle of the pack. They didn’t feel safe being authentic, only doing what was implicitly accepted as the norm. Other leaders masked their real selves behind impressive resumes, a corner office, or a command and control leadership style. All too often, their toxicity rewarded mediocrity and vitiated the quality of connection, creativity, and culture at work.
Most of all, I noticed people at all levels who mindlessly operated on constant alert. Always just waiting. In survival mode. Instinctively acting on fear. Afraid of being found out. Never fully present. Never getting enough sleep. Stressed out. Never really satisfied. Like something was missing. As if working life could be — should be — better than this.
Practical Wisdom
I found my way to coaching after I landed in the emergency room in cardiac failure from a pericardial effusion, due to an undiagnosed Hashimoto's. In a slow motion kind of way, the world all around me — the sounds, the smells, the air, the ground — all faded away as light turned into dark and everything stopped.
I was at the pinnacle of corporate life. Yet, in taking what I thought was my last breath, I was full of regret. For what I wanted to do and didn’t. For the time spent on things that, in the face of death, no longer mattered. In the quietness between being and unbeing, my every sense, thought, and feeling became a mental playground of profound human clarity. I vowed, that if I survived, I would remake my life with greater service, presence, and gratitude.
In the solace of healing, I embodied the teachable and coachable moments. I wrestled with stepping into the unknown of my vow versus staying in the comfort of a life I once knew. As the glamour, glitz and invitations from my old life slowed and disappeared, I felt like damaged corporate goods.
I took the time to heal my physically wracked body, and myself in every way. I asked what greater impact I most wanted to create, who I wanted to be, what was getting in my way, and what I need to do to make my vision real. In seeking my answers, I found the way to the transformational depths of my humanity. A place where the magic of being human is raw and real. I realized I had let my inner critic lead my way in working life. I looked to external cues for validation. Always thinking others had a better idea of success. Never believing I was worthy.
Somewhere along my journey, I was in the bathroom at a swanky New York hotel and had a flash of insight. That slow motion kind of feeling when all the pieces come together. The moment when a new perspective is found, and a change in thinking begins. In the rawness of being my true best self — for perhaps the very first time — I wondered what would be possible if I were to lead with more worth? In that moment, I realized (at last) that I have a constant champion at my core. A wise inner coach who helps me see when I cannot — even in the most unlikely of places — I am worthy. Eureka!
“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within your way of thinking. ”
Savvy Science
My experiences inspired me to go back to school and learn the science of why, what and how people think, feel and behave in a digital working world. A journey that began as one class paved the way for being all but done with my coursework as I work on my dissertation to become a Coaching Media Psychologist PhD. Now, I use coaching, science and technology to help organizations predict and grow leadership potential — with less stress, more worth, shared wisdom and love.
It’s no secret. A leadership story of mind can make or break the happy human experience at work. Science tells us that stories narrate who we are, shape what we think and how we show up. They come in all different shapes and sizes. Some stories superpower unlimited greatness to rise. Other stories are like kryptonite, and limit potential to learn, adapt and grow. They feed off the power we give them with every word we think, feel and say. I can't. I should. I am not. I don't. Others won't. What if fail?
Despite good intentions, it’s easy to get sucked into a cycle of doing leadership. Only 34% of people show up at work with full potential. Most of us speed through meetings, check things off the list, and hastily text, like, post, friend, follow or hit reply all. It can feel impossible trying to find the time to be present and thank more creatively. When the heat is on, it’s no wonder people feel constrained by time, overworked, frustrated, overwhelmed, unhappy, stressed or burned out. The automaticity of it unconsciously puts the brakes on lives, careers, relationships, and potential to achieve desired greatness.
Here's the deal. It’s all in your head. The only limits to human potential are self-prescribed.
Your greatest power is in choosing to tell a better story. When you change your story, you change your thinking. When you change your thinking, you enable more ingenuity to build a better future. Away from the noise, minds are drawn to the stillness that roars from a wild heart to engage, include and energize collective greatness to thrive. Even when the going gets stressed.
So, the next time you are in a bathroom of any kind, ask your inner coach what better story you can tell to win with worth. Like Andy Warhol once said: “They always say time changes things but you actually have to change them yourself.” Maybe it's time to tell the story of who you become?
Say hello. I’d love to help.